THIEFA further unveils plan for World (Cup) Destruction

The not-yet-indicted leaders of FIFA (THIEFA) seem to have a new plan to save themselves from prison: destroy the World Cup.

THIEFA unveiled more of its ideas to support a proposed 48-team World Cup. Forty-six of the teams would come from the conferences, with berths breaking down like this:

  • UEFA: 16 (up from 13, currently)
  • Africa: 9 (up from 5)
  • Asia: 8 (up from 4.5)
  • CONCACAF: 6 (up from 3.5)
  • CONMEBOL: 6 (up from 4.5)
  • Oceania: 1 (up from .5)

The final two spots will come from a six-team tournament, played by one team from each conference (except UEFA) plus one from the host conference.


At first blush, this might seem like a way for THIEFA to ensure the biggest countries (and, thus, the biggest TV markets) make the World Cup every time. And, if THIEFA operated as an actual business all of the time, that might be the case.

Does THIEFA operate as an actual business or does it operate as a front for a global criminal enterprise?

You tell me.

Sepp Blatter (and Jerome Valcke and Jack Warner and Chuck Blazer and…) maintained power by bribing small countries with extra games and money. Voting as blocs, these countries gave THIEFA leaders unrivaled power; They couldn’t be voted out, they couldn’t be punished and they had access to countries with incredibly weak governments.

So who benefits from this larger tournament?

Traditional powers and large countries already are more likely to make the World Cup – qualifications are set up to their benefit (with the possible exception of CONMEBOL as that place is the definition of cutthroat!). They don’t like sending their players to San Marino, St. Kitts and the like, either, because it just adds to the chance of injury with little return.

The smallest countries again benefit. This means they will get more games and that they will have more chances to qualify for a World Cup. After all, how were the new spots divided? Did they go to the best conferences or did they go to conferences with the most members?

THIEFA pitches that as benefiting the global sport. And there’s just enough truth to that that they can say it with a straight face. 

The truth, however, is that there is no “rising tide” here. Haiti won’t suddenly compete for a World Cup because it gets to play Mexico and the United States. Instead, Mexico and the United States will waste their efforts, waste money on travel and expose their players to needless injury (thus increasing the likelihood that players you want to see don’t make the World Cup, anyway) for games that add no real value to the process.

Unfortunately, this is just further proof that THIEFA hasn’t changed at all. 


Giving Panama the T.R. treatment          

It was only one game. Honduras looked terrible. But it sure feels like the USMNT’s World Cup qualification is back on track, doesn’t it?

We now return to our regular broadcast.

Can Pulisic carve a canal in Panama the way Teddy Roosevelt did?

Panama. The country Teddy Roosevelt cleaved in two with a giant stick. And the one whose World Cup hopes Graham Zusi (he of Mexico’s San Zusi fame) destroyed. Continue reading “Giving Panama the T.R. treatment          “

USfanTV Live: USA 6(!) Honduras 0

That was incredible.

When I predicted a 3-0 win for the US people thought I was crazy. They DOUBLED that. As I pointed out on last night’s postgame show, they managed to erase a minus-5 goal differential. It was the most clinical I think I’ve ever seen this team play.

Clint Dempsey had a hat trick in his first game back, but for me, the best player on the field last night was Christian Pulisic. He had a goal, two assists, and was involved in two other goals–he drew the foul that led to Dempsey’s rocket free kick, and his shot was deflected on the first goal by Sebastian Lletget. There’s absolutely no denying he’s the best player we’ve ever had–by miles–at 18-years-old.  Continue reading “USfanTV Live: USA 6(!) Honduras 0”

#USAvHON Match Day is Here! Now, please get three goddamn points

We started our #USAvHON preview last night, and went about 12 minutes until YouTube had other ideas. Do you think we let that stop us? Of course not. We came back with another 30 minutes or so on lineups, formations, what we expect from Honduras, and score predictions (Spoiler: We’re both confident in a win).

So, the above video is part one, and the below video is part two. Let’s face it, you’re not working today. So watch (or re-watch!) both of these videos, and we’ll see you immediately after the match tonight, when Chris will try to do a show from a loud bar. Should be fun!

USfanTV Live: USMNT Match Week Starts Here

Do we absolutely need three points on Friday against Honduras? And, with several likely starters now out, are we gonna get three points? That was the bulk of Tuesday night’s episode of USfanTV Live. Plus, we talked about Bastian Schweinsteiger’s move to the Chicago Fire, and whether it’s really a good move for MLS.

We’re back Thursday night with a preview of Friday’s match, including our picks for the starting XI (assuming we have anyone left at that point). Friday we’ll have a special show right after the match ends. Chris will be live at Milwaukee’s Highbury Pub, so if you live near there head out and come on the show with us. Plus, if you’re gonna be in San Jose, email us: usfantv at gmail dot com–we’d love to have you on.

Thanks to all the new subscribers. See you Thursday night!

USfanTV Live: Too Hot for YouTube Edition

This was a first: last night Chris and I were talking, and the show abruptly cut off. We always end our shows by saying “you’re done” (An old inside joke between us–we’ll tell you about it sometime), but last night, YouTube said “you’re done” to us.

Our only conclusion? This show was so hot, YouTube couldn’t handle it.

Anyway, we got most of the show done. We talked Fabian Johnson’s injury and hoped for the best, Brad Guzan’s absence due to personal reasons (which we learned later is because his wife is about to give birth), Dom Dwyer’s new American citizenship, and more.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, and we’ll see you all next week!

USfanTV Live: The USMNT roster–who do we like? And who got snubbed?

We don’t normally do these shows on Wednesday nights, but when big news breaks, we’re here for you, friends. Bruce Arena announced his 24-man roster for the Honduras and Panama matches, so we jumped on YouTube to talk about the team with you.

The big surprise, obviously, is the lack of Sacha Kljestan (or even Benny Feilhaber) to patrol the 10 spot, leaving us to believe that’s gonna be Christian Pulisic’s job. And we’re also struggling to figure out who might start at the outside back positions. DeAndre Yedlin’s absence due to injury makes the right fullback position an especially weak spot for us. Maybe Geoff Cameron gets pushed to the right, with Jorge Villafana on the left? We shall see.

The forwards and goalkeepers were both really straight forward. We guessed those areas exactly right when we made our picks on Tuesday night’s show. Barring anything crazy Tim Howard will be your starter in goal, and Bobby Wood and Jozy Altidore should start up top. Arena has already said he views Clint Dempsey as a super sub, and Jordan Morris, while awesome, probably gets beat out by Jozy and Bobby.

Continue reading “USfanTV Live: The USMNT roster–who do we like? And who got snubbed?”

USfanTV Live: We help Bruce pick his USMNT roster

Bruce Arena drops his roster for this month’s qualifiers later today, but because we love you, we’re leaking the roster ahead of time. Now, these are just our picks, but we’re sure to get this exactly right. Right?


That’s what I thought.

We might do a special show today to talk about the roster. We might just wait until our normal show tomorrow. We shall see. As always, thanks for all your support.